A Grave Hunger Read online

  He gaped at me, eyes wide with shock. He wasn't expecting me to do that. A few moments of silence followed as he blinked wildly, struggling to regain his composure.

  "And you think I'm a flirt," he choked, roaring with laughter.

  "What can I say? If you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em."

  "Miss McKnight, you are terrible! I'll need to think of something to top that routine. I need to keep my title of disgraceful flirt intact you know."

  "Well, I look forward to seeing what you come up with."

  "Challenge accepted."

  "Time for round two?" I asked, waving the bottle of tequila.

  "Bring it."

  I poured two more shots. We drank them quickly, without the salt and lime routine. The cool liquid burned my throat, giving me a warm sensation. I could feel the alcohol already going to my head. He poured me another and handed me the glass.

  "Are you trying to get me drunk or something?"

  The playfulness returned. "I've just thought of a way to top your last performance. Body shots!"

  He grabbed me and lifted me onto the table, a smile played at his lips as I protested. He pushed me down so I was lying flat on the table, holding me firmly as I tried to wriggle out of his grip. My protests just made him grin even more. He lifted my top, exposing my bare stomach and poured the tequila over me. He leaned over to suck the cool liquid from my stomach.

  "Aww, I'm all sticky now," I exclaimed in mock horror. Sitting up, I grabbed a nearby towel to wipe the remaining drink from me, stumbling a few times in the process. The alcohol definitely had begun to work its magic.

  He beamed at me, obviously pleased with himself.

  "Right, Scotland, You need another drink. You are hilarious when you are drunk." He chuckled, pouring me another.

  The laughter left his eyes as they suddenly turned serious.

  "So you wanna talk about what happened today? You took it pretty hard."

  His sudden change in tone startled me.

  "I don't know. I kinda just want to forget about it," I replied, sighing.

  "They say it's good to talk. I could be your Dr Phil."

  I sighed, today's depression threatening to rear its ugly head once more.

  "I found today... difficult." I struggled to find the correct words to describe what I was feeling.

  "Today was a good day. We killed two evil sons of bitches and saved a girl. If it wasn't for you, that kid would be dead, and God knows how many more people those bastards would have killed. Also for your first proper hunt, you did pretty well. You saved my ass!"

  I sighed, looking at the floor. I knew what he was saying was true, but today didn't feel like a win.

  "Yeah, we saved the girl, but what kind of life is she going to have? She's going to be traumatised," I answered.

  "It's always more difficult when children are involved, but you have to learn to let it go. It will destroy you if you don't."

  "I know. It's just difficult. I keep thinking about how unfair life is sometimes," I replied sombrely.

  His emerald eyes held a hidden sadness, and they bored into mine as he nodded in agreement.

  "Life can be unfair, but you have to think about all the good we are doing, all the lives we are saving."

  "Yeah, I know..." My voice trailed off.

  A silence followed, and when Finlay did speak his voice had an edge to it.

  "You know you can still get out of this life. It's not too late for you," he said, his eyes sombre once more.

  "It's not too late for you either," I responded softly.

  "Yeah, it is. I was brought up in this life. It's all I know, but you... you can go back to Scotland, become a teacher again. Have a real life."

  His voice was intense and when he held my gaze hope flashed across his eyes. It took me a few moments to collect my thoughts before answering. "This is my life now. You and Robert are the only family I have. I'm not about to give that up."

  A frown crossed his brows. He watched me silently for a few moments before speaking.

  "I really care about you, Leah, and it kills me to see how this crappy job is affecting you. You deserve to be happy, and this life isn't going to make you happy. You're too good for all this."

  I gaped at him as his words sunk in. I don't know if it was his touching words, the tequila, or that the sexual tension between us had come to breaking point, but the attraction that I had been fighting ever since I met Finlay was beginning to bubble over. Without thinking, I rose from my seat to sit on his lap once more. He watched me curiously, unsure of what I was going to do next. I leaned forward, touching his cheek with my hand, and tentatively kissed him, cautious of his response.

  He returned the kiss, slowly and tenderly. Although the kiss was gentle, it contained an overwhelming passion that had been denied. I had fantasied about this for so long, had craved the feel of his body against mine. He pulled me closer, running his hands down to the small of my back. As the passion between us heightened, so too did the intensity of the kiss. He kissed me fiercely, his tongue exploring my mouth, sending shivers of pleasure rushing through my body, fogging my mind. As my body responded, my hands reached up to tangle through his hair, gripping him tightly to me. I knew this was wrong, that we worked together, were friends. We had broken our unspoken rule. All logical arguments vanished against the fiery desire for him that was burning through my body. His lips broke away from mine and travelled to my neck, pressing gentle kisses just below my ear, lower and lower, until they reached the hollow of my throat. I suppressed a moan as he pulled me closer still. Then his lips were back on mine, and we were moving in perfect synchronicity.

  But then his hands moved from the small of my back and grabbed my upper arms, pushing me away from him, ending the kiss abruptly. He stared at me with intensity, his green eyes filled with longing, seared into mine. We stared in silence for a few moments, both panting heavily.

  "Sorry...I shouldn't have done that," I said.

  "We... We can't..." His voice trailed off. I had never seen him struggle so much for words.

  Embarrassment ripped through me and coloured my cheeks. I rose from his lap and turned my back to him so he couldn't see the self-consciousness in my eyes.

  "I'm sorry." He sounded it. "Look, we obviously have something between us, but we work together."

  "I know, I know. I get it. It was stupid. I told you tequila did bad things to me." I struggled to change my face into a mask of indifference before turning back to him. I chuckled, but it sounded hollow, even to me.

  "No you don't get it." He rose from his chair and stood beside me, pulling my chin up so I could see a multitude of emotions burning in his eyes. "I think there is something more than just sexual tension between us. If we have sex, it won't just be sex. It will mean more. In our job we can't afford to bring that kind of vulnerability on a hunt. Whatever we have between us, those evil sons of bitches will see it and use it against us."

  I was dumbfounded. I stared at him, not quite believing what I had heard. His eyes bored into mine, as if they were trying to read me.

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was stupid." A deep frown crossed his brows and his cheeks coloured. It was obvious he deeply regretted bring up the conversation.

  "I had better go before I make this any weirder between us." He looked for a moment as if he would like to say something else, but then thought better of it.

  "Ok, I ... I'll see you tomorrow," I stuttered.

  I watched, disheartened, as Finlay left my room. I berated myself for not speaking up and for leaving things the way we did. There were so many things that I had wanted to say. As I listened to Finlay closing the door to our neighbouring room, I wondered what he was thinking, and if things would ever be the same between us.

  CHAPTER 12

  I awoke to a bright light streaming in through my window. I cringed away as it stung my eyes. My head pounded with a ruthless ferocity. An awful feeling crept over me, and it took me a moment to remember why.
Then the flashbacks came. The tequila, the flirting, the kiss! I let out a groan of embarrassment and pulled the covers over my head as fragments of my last conversation buzzed around my mind. He had said that if we had sex it would be more than just sex. I understood completely what he had meant. I had never been able to have a 'no strings attached' attitude to sex. Having that intimacy with someone meant something more.

  My brain felt fuzzy as I desperately tried to remember specifics of the conversation. What had he said? There is something more between us than just sexual tension. That statement ricocheted around my brain. I knew from the start that we had an indisputable sexual attraction for each other, but never thought it was anything more than that. I definitely had feelings for Finlay. He was my best friend, and I owed him so much. Without him, I don't think I would have managed to pull myself out of the deep despair I had been in. Was I in love with him? The question had me stumped. Without a doubt I loved him as a friend, as part of my new dysfunctional family, but was I in love with him? I wasn't even sure if I was capable of opening my heart to someone like that again. I knew I had closed myself off to others since my family had died. My emotional barriers were up, not being strong enough to let anyone else get too close in case I lost them too. It was amazing that I had allowed myself to get as close to Robert and Finlay as I had. But Finlay was right; we couldn't make it physical between us. Sex changes things and I couldn't risk losing him as a friend. He meant too much to me, and I needed him too much.

  Unable to answer my question about being in love with Finlay, I dragged myself from bed. I reached for a bottle of water and pain killers, which sat on the bedside table, and chugged them down greedily. The throbbing in my head felt like something was trying to bore into my brain.

  God, what was I going to say to Finlay? The thought of having that awkward conversation gave me a feeling of dread. I can't believe I kissed him! A multitude of scenarios played out in my mind as I thought about possible avenues our conversation could take. A knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts. The feeling of dread washed over me once more as I realised the visitor must be Finlay. I skulked to the door, took a deep breath to steady my nerves, and pulled it open. I frowned in confusion as I opened the door and saw Robert standing there.

  "Looking a bit rough, Leah. Heavy night, was it?" Robert commented, smirking.

  "You could say that," I grumbled. "Thanks for the compliment, by the way."

  "Will you be ready to leave in half an hour, or do you need more time to ... recover?" The smirk was growing.

  I shot him a glare. "I'll be ready, just let me have fifteen minutes to get my stuff together. Is Finlay ready to go?" I asked, working to keep my voice sounding casual.

  "Finlay's already left. Said he had to be back early today for something. He asked me if I could drive you back."

  I gaped at him in horror. Finlay left early so that he didn't have to be around me. It was worse than I thought. How would I fix this mess that I had made?

  On the long drive back home, I pretended to be asleep. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. Robert seemed quite content to have some quiet time, occasionally singing along to a song on the radio to pass the time. By the time Robert pulled up outside the motel, I was still no closer to figuring out what I would say to Finlay, or how I felt about him. I decided that it was best just to bite the bullet and get the awkward conversation over and done with.

  Saying goodbye to Robert, I grabbed my overnight bag and made my way over to Finlay's room. My heart was beating furiously in my chest as I knocked on his door. It swung open to reveal a grim looking Finlay.

  "Hey," I greeted him.

  He stared at me a few moments, looking as though he was fighting an internal battle.

  "Hey," he mumbled. "Come in."

  I walked into the room and dumped my bag in a heap on the floor.

  "So, you left pretty early this morning. What was so important?" I muttered, afraid to make eye contact with him, worried about what I would see.

  "I just had some things I had to sort out," he muttered. The awkwardness between us was intense.

  "Is that code for avoiding me?" I asked bluntly. I don't know where the sudden bout of confidence came from, but I’d had enough of beating around the bush.

  He failed to answer, and the strained silence continued to grow between us.

  "Right, enough of this weirdness, we are going to talk about last night."

  "Ok." He sighed. "So talk." He sat down on the edge of the bed and gestured for me to join him.

  "You took off pretty abruptly last night. I just wanted to make sure you're ok."

  "What, like my feelings?" he replied sarcastically, a glimpse of the normal, jovial Finlay shining through.

  "Yeah, your feelings. You do have them, don't you?"

  After a brief pause, Finlay replied. "OK, I'll tell you what. Why don't I go get some herbal tea and some tissues? We can have a good talk and cry it out."

  I rolled my eyes. "Well this has been a brilliant talk, and I think we have sorted out a lot today."

  A strained smile played at his lips.

  "I'm sorry about what happened last night. I made things weird between us, and that is the last thing I wanted," I said, embarrassment flooding my body.

  "You weren't the one that made things weird. I should have kept my mouth shut." His body stiffened, voice strained. He ran his fingers through his hair.

  "It would have come out eventually. You were right. There is something between us, but I get that we can't take it any further. It could be used against us when hunting, but it could also jeopardise our friendship, and I'm not willing to take that risk."

  He stared at me with those piercing green eyes, and I struggled to interpret their meaning.

  "So what do we do now then? Just stay friends and take a lot of cold showers?"

  "Yeah, that sounds like a plan." I laughed.

  "So, we good?"

  "Yeah, we're good. Unless you still want to talk some more. I'm sure I've got some herbal tea somewhere."

  "I'll save the herbal tea for some other time." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a quick squeeze. "Ok then, friend. Get out of my room. I'm seriously hung over. I need to die quietly in peace."

  "I'm glad I'm not the only one who’s feeling a bit rough today," I answered, collecting my bag and walking to the door.

  "Yeah, obviously you're not the only one tequila does bad things to."

  CHAPTER 13

  In the last seven days since our hunt, I had enjoyed relaxing, slobbing around, and doing nothing. If truth be told, I felt emotionally drained. So much had happened, I felt I had to work through how I felt; my worry over the child, the shock of my first kill, the kiss with Finlay. I hadn't seen much of Robert and Finlay over the last few days. I think they both realised I needed some time and space to get my thoughts together. Not to mention I couldn't have been very good company. I had been in a foul mood recently due to Christmas fast approaching. Everywhere I looked I saw happy families, excited children and loving couples looking forward to Christmas together. It just served to remind me of everything that I didn't have, everything I had lost. My thoughts meandered to happier Christmases spent with my family.

  A knock at the door pulled me from my dark thoughts. I shuffled over and pulled it open unenthusiastically. Finlay stood at the door with a mischievous grin on his face. He looked like a male model in the middle of a fashion shoot. He was wearing a black woollen coat and matching scarf to protect him from the arctic weather. His hair had a dusting of snow, which glistened when the light caught it.

  Heavy snow had fallen for the last two days, coating every surface in a thick covering. Even the tacky, dated motel looked picturesque, hidden underneath a sparkling blanket. It looked seasonal, another reminder of Christmas. It felt as though the universe was conspiring against me.

  "Hi," I greeted Finlay sombrely.

  His eyes sparkled playfully. He didn't return my greeting. His grin widen
ed as he threw something at me that he had been hiding behind his back. I flinched as the wet, cold snowball hit me square in the face. He exploded in a fit of laughter, but stopped short when I didn't join him. He frowned.

  "What's up with you?"

  "Nothing, I'm fine." I worked to place a smile on my face. "Snowball. Funny."

  He rolled his eyes and, stepping inside out of the arctic weather, said, "Very convincing, Scotland. I wouldn't give up your day job to become an actress just yet."