A Grave Hunger Read online

  I silently groaned at the thought of having to listen to drunken women rambling on. I tried to block them out and turned my attention back to my drink.

  "Oh my god, there's Finlay, the hot guy from the diner I was telling you about! How do I look?"

  My head instantly snapped up at hearing my name. My gaze locked with Anne's. She beamed and waved, tottering over towards me. I cursed quietly under my breath. I watched, amused, as she struggled to walk in her ridiculously high stiletto heels. For 3:30 in the afternoon, she was quite overdressed, wearing a red, skin-tight dress that barely covered her ass and pushed her massive tits upwards. They wobbled precariously as she walked, threatening to overspill. Not a believer in the natural look, she had caked on the make-up. I could see dry flakes of foundation settling in laughter lines around her mouth. I wondered what she was like without all the camouflage, underneath the layers of heavy make-up.

  "Finlay, it's so good to see you. You haven't been into the diner for ages!" she shrieked, sliding into the seat beside me. I was acutely aware of the heat emanating from her body as she slid closer to me. It was the closest I had been to a human in months. I leaned away from her, needing to distance myself from her heat, from her scent.

  "Hi, Anne. How are you?" I answered unenthusiastically. She didn't seem to notice my discomfort. She shuffled closer, closing the gap between us.

  "I'm great. What are you doing in Dryden?"

  "I live here now. Moved a few months ago. You?"

  "My best friend lives here. We go out for a few drinks here every now and then." She pointed over towards the bar, where her friends had already ordered and drank their first drink. So much for only going out for a few drinks. All three looked wasted.

  "I'm going to the bar. Be back soon." She tottered towards her friends, stumbling as she went.

  I couldn't help but listen to their conversation.

  "Listen, guys, I know we said that we would only stay here for one, but I think I'm going to stick around," Anne said, winking suggestively.

  Her friends instantly understood what she meant. "Oh, you're hoping for some action with the hottie." Her brunette friend cackled.

  "You know it!" They erupted in laughter.

  "All right, have fun. And we want to know all the sordid details tomorrow."

  They downed their drinks and stumbled to the door. I rolled my eyes at her optimism. I wasn't interested in being with anyone except Leah. I'd been with countless women before her, but none had ever captured my attention or my heart the way Leah had. I respected her fiercely independent attitude. The women I usually went with were shallow pools of vanity and self-obsession. Women who fluttered their eyelashes and pulled the damsel in distress act whenever they wanted anything - women like Anne over there. Sex with them had always been just that - sex. A way to let off steam and release tension. I never had feelings for any of them. With Leah it was different. I was in love with her. Being apart from her felt as though I was missing a piece of myself. I couldn't go on like this. I needed to get over her, cleanse her from my system. I watched as Anne tottered back over to me carrying a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. She slid back into the booth beside me.

  "How's work at the diner?" I asked.

  "Yeah, same old. Pays the bills, you know. I've seen Leah a few times. She still comes by most days."

  I froze hearing Leah's name. My heart broke into a gallop.

  "How is she?" The words were out before I had a chance to censor my tone.

  "Leah?" Her face was blank for a moment, before her eyes narrowed imperceptibly, finally catching on to my agenda. Her face hardened, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Taking a deep breath, she finally answered. "Leah's great. She came into the diner with a hot guy last week. Was all over him." There was a hard edge to her voice.

  My heart sank. She had found someone else. Jealousy ripped through my body, potent and strong. Images of them together swirled in my head.

  "That's great. I'm glad she's happy." I wanted those words to be true, but the pain clawing through my chest was proof of the contrary.

  She nodded slowly. "You could try to sound a bit more convincing, Finlay." She smirked. "You're in love with her." It was a statement, not a question.

  I smiled at her perceptiveness. "Yeah, I'm in love with her, but we can't be together."

  It felt good to open up to someone. I had avoided human contact for so long that it felt therapeutic to let it out.

  She didn't question why. "Well, in that case, my suggestion would be to drink and have some fun with a cute blonde. Lucky for you, this cute blonde is available."

  I laughed for the first time in months. The pain in my chest still raged, but the distraction had lessened it slightly. Leah had moved on and found someone new. Maybe I should make more of an effort to do so as well. I pushed thoughts of Leah from my mind. Anne poured us two large measures of tequila and handed me one.

  "Are you trying to get me drunk, Anne?"

  "Best thing for a broken heart." She giggled.

  Chapter 33

  I awoke to the feeling that I wasn't alone. My senses kicked in before I got a chance to open my eyes. The smell of stale alcohol, sweat ...the scent of human blood, a heartbeat other than my own. Memories from last night flooded back. I groaned internally, covering my face with my hands. What the hell had I been thinking, sleeping with Anne? Guilt flooded my body. I felt as though I had let Leah down, like I'd cheated on her. I was disgusted at myself. More than disgust, I had been reckless. I had put Anne's life in danger.

  The fire returned to my throat, and my stomach twisted painfully as I thought of last night. I felt the heat from her body, her pulse reverberating through me as if it were my own. I shook off the feeling. I could have killed her. It was a miracle that I hadn’t. It came pretty close at one point. It had taken every ounce of self-control I had not to let the monster take over. I had wanted her blood, wanted to sink my teeth into her neck and taste her. I had wanted to give in to the beast and let it take over, give in to the release. But I didn't. I took some comfort in the fact that I had been able to control my blood lust. I had stopped myself before the beast had taken over. The man in me won the battle, if you can call running off to hide in the bathroom winning. My small victory from the diner yesterday had been short lived and had made me complacent. I had been able to control the beast around fresh blood, but sex was another thing entirely.

  I silently cursed. I was such a fucking idiot. Not only did I put Anne's life in danger, I risked exposing what I was. Luckily, even in my drunken stupor I had the good sense to turn the light off so she didn't see me when I turned into the beast. Last night I had explained my sudden hasty departure by telling her that I couldn't go through with it because of Leah. She had seemed to buy it in her drunken state, but now that she had sobered, would she still? An icy chill enveloped my heart, as I thought about how I could explain my bizarre actions in the cold light of day.

  What was I thinking? I knew exactly what I had been thinking. I wanted to forget Leah, forget that she had moved on and left me behind, and found someone new. I wanted to push aside my pain. Well, that backfired. Today I felt even worse than I did before, if that was even possible.

  I opened my eyes and rolled over to look at Anne. She was still sleeping peacefully, black eye-liner streaked under her eyes, giving her the appearance of a panda. It would have been comical if I had been in a better mood. I realised I felt nothing for her. I wanted her out of my motel room. My callousness towards her made guilt flood through me once more.

  I crept silently to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, hoping that the warm spray would rejuvenate me, clear my head. I racked my brain, thinking of a polite way to make her leave without hurting her feelings. I wanted to be alone, to wallow in my misery, my guilt, my shame.

  I dried myself and wrapped the towel around my waist. I stood behind the closed door, trying to rally the courage to explain last night. I heard her stir, the sound of the bed she
ets rustling as she moved. Well, it was now or never. I pulled open the door, and forced a small smile as she regarded me from the bed.

  "Morning."

  "Morning," she replied sleepily, rubbing her eyes, and smearing eye-liner even further down her cheeks.

  I walked over and sat beside her on the bed.

  "Listen, Anne, about last night..."

  "Finlay, it's fine. I knew what this was. I'm not expecting any commitment from you. You're in love with Leah. Not many guys would run off in the middle of sex because they felt guilty about being with someone else." She smiled slyly at me. "She must be some woman."

  It looked like she bought my excuse then. I should have felt some measure of relief, but I didn't. A torrent of emotions flooded through me: embarrassment, guilt, regret. All I could manage in ways of an explanation was a measly, "Sorry."

  "Don't worry about it. Last night was just a bit of fun... and it was fun!"

  She thought last night was fun? She must have been more drunk than I thought. She threw her legs over the side of the bed, and started to pull on her clothes that lay on the floor.

  "Do you want me to phone you a cab?"

  If she picked up on my hint, she didn't show it. "Nah, it's fine, I'll walk. My friend stays at the end of the block."

  "I'll walk you if you like." I felt as though I had to at least try to be a gentleman, considering the appalling way I had behaved.

  She walked around the side of the bed, leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "It's ok, you don't need to. It's a five minute walk. But any time you fancy round two, you know where you can find me." She winked seductively at me.

  I rose from the bed and walked her to the door, pausing before I opened it. "Anne, please don't tell Leah that you saw me. It's just better that she doesn't know I'm here."

  Her eyes narrowed, but she nodded. "All right, I'll keep quiet. See you around, Finlay."

  I watched her totter along the road until she disappeared from sight around the corner. Last night had been a mistake. My misguided attempt to forget Leah. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

  Chapter 34

  Four days since my indiscretion and my guilt still hadn't abated. I still couldn't shake the feeling that I had let Leah down. The foolish attempt to get over her and move on had seriously backfired. Leah was on my mind more than ever. Vivid mental pictures flashed through my mind of Leah and her new man: laughing together, kissing, making love. I let out a weary sigh as jealousy clawed its way through my heart.

  I reached for the bottle of whiskey, gulping down the last of the liquid and throwing the empty bottle into the bin. My fingers hovered over the buttons on the laptop, hesitating over what I was about to do, realising that if I continued, I would progress into a whole new category of loser. My internal battle between common sense and curiosity raged on. Curiosity won. I clicked on to the 'Track my cell phone' app on the screen, logged in using Leah's user name and password, and typed in her ten-digit telephone number. A pop-up appeared, stating that GPS for the number entered had been switched on. I watched as the green dot flashed on a map on the screen, highlighting Leah's current location. The address of Lloyd's Bar flashed on screen. Why would she be there?

  Lloyd's Bar was a typical sleazy man's bar. A knock off of the chain 'Hooters' where the waitresses wore tight t-shirts and men drooled over them. Please tell me she wasn't working there. I couldn't think of any other reason why she would be there. After all, the place didn't get many women patrons, for obvious reasons. How could her new boyfriend let her work in such a place? Wouldn't he be as jealous as I was? I smirked at the thought of Leah being told what to do by anyone. If Leah wanted to do something, she would do it.

  I reached for my boots that were sitting on the floor and pulled them on. I couldn't believe I was actually considering checking up on her. What if she saw me? Would I be able to rein in the jealousy if I saw her with her new man? The common sense part of my brain was quickly subdued with a stronger emotion - concern. I couldn't fathom why she would be in such a seedy place. I would just check that she was ok and then leave. Keep in the background. She would never even see me. I tried to convince myself that checking up on her was just out of concern, but I knew the real, selfish reasons behind my decision. I missed her. I just wanted to be close to her, even if it was just watching her from afar. Even in my drunken stupor I realised how sad and pathetic that sounded.

  But it didn't stop me.

  Chapter 35

  I ran the sixteen mile journey in less than ten minutes. I had to admit that even though I loathed what I had become, the super speed did come in handy. I stood across the street in an alley between two buildings, hidden in the shadows. From my position I could see through the window of the bar. It was a Saturday night, and the bar was packed. Even from across the street the smell of sweat and stale beer hung thick in the air, wafting across the street every time someone opened the door to leave or enter the bar. I watched as a man in his late fifties slapped a waitress on the ass when she passed with a tray full of drinks. The waitress glared at him but kept walking. I assumed that this kind of attention was a regular occurrence in her job. Music boomed even louder as two men opened the door of the bar and came outside to have a cigarette. I shuffled my feet impatiently as I scanned the bar looking for a glimpse of Leah. My heart rate kicked up a notch as I found what I was looking for.

  She walked from behind the bar to a nearby table with a notepad and pen in her hand. The table was occupied by two men in their early forties, both short and fat. One had a full head of greasy black hair, and the other was bald. They both stopped their conversation and gaped when they noticed her approach, leering obviously over her. She was wearing a tight fitting crop t-shirt, the Lloyd's Bar emblem emblazoned over the front. The t-shirt came to just under her breasts, and showed off her toned, tanned stomach. The uniform was completed by a pair of black hot pants and four inch stilettos heels. She had her long brown hair tied in a ponytail, which swished from side to side as she moved her head. A deep red colour of lipstick stained her lips and fingernails. I cast my mind back, but I couldn't remember a time when she ever wore such provocative make-up. It wasn't her style. A natural beauty like Leah didn't need to cake herself in such alluring make-up. She was naturally alluring.

  I felt a twinge in my stomach as I heard her speak. It felt like an eternity since I’d last heard her voice.

  "Hey, guys. What can I get you?"

  I watched as the two male occupants dragged their eyes over her body before they replied.

  "Hi, sexy. I love your accent. Where are you from?" the bald one asked.

  "I'm from Scotland." Icy cold. "What can I get you?"

  "What's a sexy little thing like you doing in a place like this?" Greasy Hair asked.

  She ignored him. "If you are interested, I can read you the food specials."

  "I know what you can do for me, and it ain't read me the specials." Baldy sneered.

  Both men erupted in laughter. I felt anger begin to build as I listened to their disrespectful retorts. I watched Leah carefully. She rolled her eyes, and her face hardened. When she spoke, her voice was sharp as a tack.

  "If you aren't ready to order, I will send another waitress over later on."

  "Aw, don't be like that baby." Greasy spoke this time. "We are only admiring your ... assets." He finished the quip by staring visibly at her breasts.

  She turned and stalked away, baldy smacking her on the ass as she did so. She stopped in her tracks and looked as though she was hesitating. Knowing Leah, she was trying to decide whether or not to smack the stupid grin from Baldy's face. I wished she would, so I wouldn't have to, but after a second, she stomped off and returned to the bar.

  I stood in the alley for hours, hoping for another glimpse of Leah, but I didn't see her again. As the hour became late, the bar began to quiet as people returned home. I watched until I saw Baldy and Greasy stumble out onto the street and stagger home. Eventually the lights were s
witched off, and the waitresses left the bar one by one. I waited patiently for Leah to leave. Ten minutes after the last waitress had left, I saw her close and lock the door behind her. She dropped the keys into her handbag, and headed west in the direction of Robert's house. Was she going to Robert's house? Or was she going to meet her boyfriend?

  I followed, keeping a safe distance. I told myself that I was only making sure she got home safely. Truth was, it had taken all my strength to stay away from Leah for the last four months, and now that I had seen her, I couldn't force myself to leave again.

  She picked up her pace as the houses became sparse, and the concrete pavement disappeared under her feet, to be replaced by a gravel path. The grit crunched loudly as she walked along Robert's long, secluded driveway. I hid in the shadows, concealed by the folds of the trees. Watching her. Protecting her? Stalking her was probably the more accurate word. I silently berated myself for turning into such a creep. As if alerted by my silent internal argument, Leah turned toward my hiding place, her intuition telling her that she wasn't alone. For a fleeting moment, her eyes rested upon the shadows where I hid. I heard her breathing hitch and her heart rate spike. Yes, she knew she wasn't alone. I automatically held my breath, even though I knew her weak human hearing couldn't detect such a small sound from the distance she stood from me. I watched her turn and hurry into the house, locking the door's heavy latch behind her. I cursed myself for scaring her.